


You are a good man

by Direga



Series: The Iron Bull Adventures [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age Quest: Demands of the Qun (Inquisition), M/M, Qunari, Seheron, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-20 12:11:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Direga/pseuds/Direga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for the Trespasser DLC!</p><p>What I think must have went through The Iron Bull's head in those couple of seconds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not a chance

**Author's Note:**

> I want to keep my collection of works free from spoilers, so I separated this.  
> I just needed to get this out of my system. Loosely based some parts on this [post on tumblr from SuiCausa](http://sabexbem.tumblr.com/post/128780785510/thoughts-on-quniron-bull) and I am grateful for the input in the matter.  
> In case you don't know, Maraas Adaar is my canon Inquisitor.

He had expected them. It made sense that the Viddasala would try to reach out to his old Qunari side, and yet he had not expected the reaction those four words would pull from deep within him.

**_‘Hissrad’_ **

Time seemed to stop then. The side of him that he thought dead since that day in the Storm Coast came floating to the surface of his mind so fast that he didn’t have time to react. He no longer could see the Viddasala, the other Qunari or his companions. Instead, he saw himself back in Seheron.

He gripped his axe tighter. There were bodies everywhere. His whole squad dead in the fog, all the civilians in the settlement dead because of the abominations the fucking Vints made in their last attempt to fight back. The Tal-Vashoth used the distraction to attack the Qunari, but in their madness they slaughtered everyone they saw. The screams attracted the fog warriors, who attacked Qunari, Vints and Tal-Vashoth in equal parts. Reinforcements arrived too late, coming to find him alone fighting the last of the fog warriors.

In the end, everyone was dead, and he didn’t remember the following hours when he was being treated. When he came to, he cried for the first time since he was an imekari. What was the point, if he couldn’t save anyone? He needed to find purpose again, he needed to find his place in the Qun, or he would be lost forever.

**_‘please!’_ **

Another word. This one made him see the fateful night in the Storm Coast. Gatt had warned him that if he sounded the retreat he would be declared Tal-Vashoth. The thought pained him again like it did back then. He looked to the other hill and saw his Chargers securing it, even knowing they would die soon if they did not retreat. He knew they would never retreat without the signal, they were loyal to him like that.

Gatt pleaded “I stood up for you! Please, you cannot sound the retreat!” and Maraas saw that Bull was too lost in indecision to do anything, and so he ordered him to sound that retreat. Maraas believed that nothing was worth the loss of the Chargers. Bull tried to believe him, and it pained him that he couldn't. 

He wished he could have stayed in the Qun and saved his chargers. But that was not an option. If anyone had to suffer it should be him, not the people he cared about. And so the Chargers lived and he was made Tal-Vashoth. It was not the outcome he wanted, but the alternative was probably worse and he was happy that he had done some good for the people that cared about him.

**_‘Vinek Kathas’_ **

The order. He could obey, betray his lovers of almost three years, his companions and his Chargers, and return to the Qun once it was over. He would be re-educated, but he could become a true Qunari again. The world was not in immediate danger anymore, the Inquisitor himself no longer necessary. There would be a power vacuum that would throw the south into chaos, which the Qun would most likely use to invade, but the world wouldn’t *end*. He would have a clear purpose again, at the expense of everything he had built in the last seven years.

It had only been a thought experiment, but he had thought of how to kill every single person in the Inquisiton’s inner circle. He did not expect to fight three at the same time, and not the main assault group. He would be dead by the time he took his second step towards Maraas. Still, he would die a Qunari, with his purpose clear again. A death that would make everyone proud back in Par Vollen. They wouldn’t miss him, for sure, but he would be remembered with respect.

However, If he betrayed them now and died, he knew his companions would probably still mourn him, after the anger left them. Maraas would take it hard, probably blame and torment himself while replaying this scene in search of answers that he wouldn’t be able to find, not when he hates the Qun. Dorian would probably make a sharp retort, closing himself behind the walls he and Maraas had taken so long to shatter. He probably wouldn’t be able to love anyone again, comforting Maraas before he left for Tevinter, never to be seen again. His other companions would at least try to remember him for his time with the Inquisition. The Chargers though… they would feel the full force of the betrayal as Maraas would. They would never be the same, and would probably disband after trying and failing to get over the loss.

And then he remembered the last three years and he found himself talking without knowing. He didn’t capture exactly what he was saying, because while he talked he remembered when the saved Krem and lost his left eye. The various jobs he had done with his Chargers and the time he spent with then, laughing, drinking and traveling. The first time he had seen Maraas, the stupid hatred he felt for him not being Qunari that melted as he approved pretty much everything he did, saving people and making life easier for them to the best of his abilities. Their first dragon fight, and the second, and the tenth, and the fact that he had been brought along for every single one of them. Dorian… he remembered his transformation from a very distrustful to an easy-going person and his nights with him and Maraas. The surprise of being presented with the dragon tooth amulet, split in three. All the nights spent drinking or playing wicked grace with everyone. The fight against Corypheous and his defeat, seeing Maraas stand tall and victorious against all odds and many other memories that made his life worth living.

**_‘ma’am’_ **

Bull finished talking. He didn’t know what he had said, but he knew the meaning. Opening his eye he saw how proud Maraas was. It was the same look he had when he had told him on top of the battlements that he was good man. The whole exchange with the Viddasala felt like it must have lasted several minutes, but it had been mere seconds, and he had replied to the order without hesitation. Even with everything going through his head he knew that he would never turn against the people he now called his friends. The Viddasala turned and left the room, and with her the last chance he would ever get to go back to the Qun.

Not that he wanted to go now. He had found a better replacement, a mini Qun of his own. One that allowed him to save and protect lives. One that expected loyalty but allowed him to actually live a life in his free time. One that would let him go in good terms if he wished to, not sending assassins after him because for it. One that had a place and time for love.

He had been given a new purpose, one that was defined by his leadership of the Chargers, his loyalty to his friends and his love, and he would not trade it for anything in the world.

It was not until later, sleeping in a bed with both his lovers after Maraas had dissolved the Inquisition in the most badass display he had seen to date, that he realized that had he remained in the Qun, he would no longer be alive. And knowing the effect his death would have on everyone, he decided for the first time that he was truly, completely glad to be Tal-Vashoth.

_"You are a good man, Bull"_


	2. Nehraa Qun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same order, different context. Bull is still Qunari but his Chargers still live, and Maxwell will do everything to save Bull from the depths of Hissrad mind. If he can't, what's the point on moving forward?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon divergent story!  
> I did not anticipate another chapter in this work, but here we are.  
> An Inquisitor that romanced Bull but the alliance was never proposed, and so Bull remained Qunari and the Chargers lived. I thought strange that this context didn't have a way to make Bull not betray the Inquisitor, so here is my take on how it could be achieved.

Two years he had waited, repressing his feelings for Maxwell so that when the time came he would not hesitate. He knew Maxwell would bring him to the final showdown with the Viddasala, and he knew he would be given the order to turn on him and his companions of three years that he had come to know like the palm of his hand.

 _Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun._  

Yes, the sea is changeless. He was a spy, a part of Qun, and it demanded Maxwell's life. He knew the Inquisitor's fighting style well, but that didn't give him any advantage. He could be a mage, but he was untouchable with all the spells he knew to protect himself. Eventually Hissrad would die, and with him the remnants of The Iron Bull.

_Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit._

He cannot continue to be with the Inquisition and follow the Qun. He is a liability, to both the Inquisition and the Qun, but the Qun swallows all. He will give his best to kill Maxwell, and only the knowledge that he will fail can bring him peace.

 - "I love you, Bull". Maxwell says before they move into the center Eluvian in the crossroads. The words reach him mind, but they carry no meaning to him already.

 - "I love you too, Kadan" the easy response comes automatically.

Before Maxwell, Cole, Dorian and himself set out through it, he shifts his mind to see them as not-people.

*

 - "Hissrad please. Vinek Kathas!" The Viddasala yelled. A thousand thoughts went through Maxwell's head, but two remained in his mind. 'Bull was still Qunari' and 'Would he betray me?'.

Looking to the side to Bull, it was with growing dread that he saw Bull turn towards him, Cole and Dorian and say "Change of plans." while he readied his sword. Maxwell could only stare in shock.

 - "It's nothing personal, bas" Bull said, charging towards him. He heard Dorian yell from the distance while Cole disappeared into the shadows. A barrier was place over him just before Bull's sword connected with his chest, sending him flying and crashing into the wall of the room. Then, his survival instincts kicked in, shrouding him with the fade and disappearing from sight.

_Why?_

Maxwell reappeared, and Bull resumed his onslaught on him as soon as he saw him. Dorian yelled something again and Maxwell just said "I've got Bull, you deal with the others!". Maxwell tried to see some kind of emotion in the charging man's face, but his face was blank and devoid of any emotion.

_I lost Bull? Did I ever have him?_

Maxwell did his best to dodge him and try to incapacitate him, but Bull was fast and very strong. A single, well placed hit from him could very well knock Maxwell out cold. Bull would swing his sword where he calculated he would be, which made dodging him tricky, and each attack he was able to place on Bull only seemed to spur him more.

_No, The Iron Bull is real. I'm fighting Hissrad. I have to reach him if I want to save him._

 - "Bull, please. You don't have to do this." Maxwell, said as he dodged. Hissrad features didn't change in the slightest, swinging his sword to where Maxwell stood before he fade stepped and attacked him from his blind side. He decided to try again.

 - "If not for me, think of your Chargers! Everyone expects you to go back to them!" he yelled. Nothing. Maxwell was starting to despair, not wanting to lose his lover. Not like this... he would not kill him. He _could_ not kill him, he realized.

_If I can't save him... if I can't continue my life with him after all we've been through..._

Maxwell started crying, realizing what the Qun demanded of Hissrad. Bull had told him of some of the shittier jobs he had to do. Killing old friends and brother-in-arms. This was just another mission to him. It was foolish of him to think that the Qun would ever let him be. Three years was actually more than he would have expected, in fact. Still, he believed Bull had been real, a glimpse of what he could have been if not for the Qun. A thought wormed it's way into Maxwell's mind, and he thought that it could be the only thing that could bring Bull from his Qun induced focus. Fade stepping again, he reappeared right in front of Hissrad and sent another bolt of frost towards him. Hissrad reaches him in moments, thrusting his sword at him. Maxwell moved like he was going to dodge, but stopped midway, looking right into Hissrad eye.

_I trust you completely._

Right before his sword penetrated Maxwell's chest, he frowned and tried to move, but his momentum forced him to connect the hit.

Hissrad took a step back, letting go of his sword now protruding from Maxwell's chest. "What?" he said and something shifted inside of him. He no longer saw him as a not-person, but his Kadan. He moved forward, holding Maxwell to prevent him from collapsing to the ground. "You should have been able to dodge that." he said, rage clear in his voice.

"Hi, Bull" Maxwell whispered with a smile, breathing hard and Bull checked the damage he had done. Blood was pouring out of the wound, but thankfully he had been able to not go through his heart, only puncturing his lung. "Shit" he cursed to himself. Turning back, he saw that almost all of the other Qunari were already dead and he yelled "Dorian, Maxwell needs help!".

Dorian looked back and cursed, moving towards them and leaving the last of the Qunari to Cole. Seeing Dorian coming, Bull placed Maxwell on the ground and he remembered the Qun's orders as he moved away. He should have died... Maxwell should have killed him. This was not what he had wanted at all. Then he noticed his hands stained red with Maxwell's blood and his mind shattered, freezing him in place as he looked at his hands. Cole reappeared from the shadows and screamed, bringing his hands to his head.

 - "Promise of safety. Trusting, protecting, making him whole. Words in the wind, demanding, comforting, purposeful. I will die, he will live. He finds comfort in this, no longer questioning what to follow. A promise broken,  _I will never hurt you without your permission_. Red, life flashing. I could not protect him, I would not stay with him. That's all he wanted. That's why he decided to die as well. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurt, it hurts, it..."

Cole kept repeating the same words over and over again as Dorian pulled the sword free from Maxwell and tried his best to heal what he could. Hopefully Bull had not done any irreversible damage, and when he was done he blasted Bull at the wall, knocking him unconscious. With that Cole seemed to return from his trance.

 - "Cole, go get Vivienne. She will be able to look at Maxwell's injury better than me. Bring Cassandra and Blackwall as well to deal with Bull, tell them that he broke down. They will know what I mean." Cole nodded, his face still contorted with lingering pain that he felt from his connection with Bull, and disappeared into the shadows, leaving Dorian alone with Maxwell and the unconscious Bull.

*

Vivienne, Cassandra and Blackwall did come with Cole, as requested. Vivienne checked Maxwell's injury and was impressed by Dorian's attempts at healing the wound, but she still had to heal the punctured lung. Cassandra and Blackwall grabbed Bull and took him back, while Maxwell just ignored Vivienne's warning saying that they had to catch up to Solas and that he was feeling fine. Knowing that Bull was still alive was enough to make him go on.

A final confrontation with the Viddasala, another with Solas, a missing arm and a disbanded Inquisition later, Maxwell found himself in front of the jail cell where Bull had been put on. He was laying on the bed, clearly too small for him but he didn't seem bothered.

 - "Hey Bull" Maxwell says, as he approaches the cell. Bull does not move but a sigh let's him know that he heard him.

 - "Came to finish me off?" He asks. He knows that is not the reason he is there, but he wishes it is.

 - "You know I can't bring myself to kill you." He replies, sliding his hand into his pocket.

 - "I've nothing left. No purpose. Might as well be." He replies.

 - "You have me" Maxwell answers, pulling a little key from his pocket with his hand.

 - "You want me to believe you still trust me?" Bull asked.

 - "I trusted you and you didn't kill me. You could have, very easily, even before today. And nothing you can do will stop me from loving you, I'd rather die than to live without you now. If you'll have me, I'd like to remain at your side." Maxwell said, placing the key on the cell's door and unlocking it. Bull still didn't move a muscle.

 - "That's not how things work. I can't just attack you... _hurt you without your permission_ and expect things to remain the same... I also turned against the Qun the moment I spared you and it gives no second chances, I will be killed on the spot if they ever catch me." Bull replies. Maxwell enters the cell and sits next to Bull, grabbing Bull's hand with his remaining one.

 - "Then it is a good thing I'm not the Qun. I know that going against the Qun must have been very hard for you, and believe me when I say that I understand why you initially betrayed me. The Qun demands a lot, and it was everything you stood up for." Maxwell says, and Bull closes his eye.

 - "I am Tal-Vashoth now... I could succumb to madness. Kill you or someone else without knowing..." Bull replies, squeezing Maxwell's hand.

 - "Bull. Had you remained with the Qun you would have already killed me. You are a good man, and the fact that I am still alive proves it. Come, the others are waiting. Your Chargers too." Maxwell says, placing a kiss on Bull's hand before standing up. Bull followed behind him, letting his Kadan lead him into the unknowing future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Nehraa Qun: For the Qun.  
> Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun: The tide rises, the tide falls, the sea is unchanged.  
> Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit: It is my purpose to do what I must for those I consider important.


End file.
